One Foot In Front of the Other

I was going to go to college and get A's & B's because I did in high school. I was going to marry my boyfriend and become an art teacher and I was going to keep moving forward and not look back. College was just school. But my boyfriend was a liar. And I failed tests because I didn't study. And I found new friends, a group of friends that got it. Life is hard and plans don't work. So we forgot our problems. And for a while we didn't have a plan and we didn't want one, we had eachother and it honesty was enough. 

And then one day I drove by and 2 boys were moving in downstairs at my best friends house. "I couldn't really tell, one looked tall and goofy and the other looked kind of hot." That's what I said when Jess asked me if they were cute. We grabbed an afternoon beer (I don't think we were drinking for a reason, it was a probably a Tuesday) and headed down to say hi to the new downstairs neighbors. 

Devin and Tyler. The tall lanky guy with a mullet and the skinny cute one. He turned out to be the creepy drunk cute one that hit on all of us. But sober... Sober he was nice. And sweet. And I wanted to know him. And one night dressed in 90's clothes in a frat that wasn't his, we kissed for the first time and didn't look back. He told my friends he loved me the next day so I maybe should have been nervous moving forward but I wasn't. I had a plan again. But it didn't work. Plans don't work when you live in a soap opera I guess..

Because I cried. I cried and I didn't know what to do and I prayed to not let it be true, because I got pregnant. And even at 22 it felt so scary. And then one day it didn't. One day we found out our nugget was a girl and we had a plan and a place to live and a name for our daughter. Sawyer. I wanted a daughter named Sawyer since I was in high school. But our plans got changed. And our hearts got broken. And 4.5 months later they're still broken but we have a new plan. And rings and crafts and a wedding to plan. We have a plan to move to North Carolina and start a life together and I just don't think I can feel secure in anything anymore but I just want our plan to work. I just want a house and the beach and a minute to take a breath that doesn't shiver because there's tears behind my eyes fighting to stay in.

I just want to put one foot in front of the other again.