What I Don't Need

6 months. As of today it's been 6 months since I held you. Since I felt your soft skin on my lips and observed every part of your small body. Since I kissed you goodbye for the last time. And it all seems like a blur now. But I miss you. And I know it's okay, that I'm okay and you're okay. But I'm mostly just jealous, because so many people get to hold their babies and I don't.

I don't know what I need to feel happy, because most of the time I still can feel happy. The only thing that would fix it isn't possible, so I'm as okay as I can be. What I don't need is the face people make when I tell them I have a daughter, but she was still born. What I don't need are sad faces and "sorrys" and everyone acting like I'm unstable if I post a picture of you. What I don't need is a reaction like you weren't a person. I need people to recognize how beautiful you are instead. For them to recognize your life and become aware of stillbirths, not just your stillbirth. 

No one gets it. They just try. And I'm grateful for caring and trying, but I just want more people to get it.