My Shooting Star

A shooting star, a bald eagle, flowers... These are things that remind me how lucky I am, but how much more beauty there is in things that don't last. They remind me of Sawyer. She's not here. I can't take new pictures of her or make new memories. I can't spend days staring at her. Shooting stars burn out. Bald Eagles fly away. Flowers die. That's why we get so excited about them. Because they're rare to see, or beautiful, or we know it doesn't last. She was that for me. Here for just a moment, but made me so happy when I felt her and when I saw her. When I see a shooting star, everything goes away for a minute because I feel lucky I caught that moment. Nothing will ever feel like a luckier moment than being Sawyers mom. 

I'd do anything for more than a moment. For her to be a couple weeks old right now. Or to have these last 2 months without her traded for 2 more months with her. But I can't. No matter how hard I pray or cry or push it away, it doesn't change. So I have to be grateful. I pray every night and tell God how thankful I am to be her mom, I pray that he holds her as tight as I wish I could and that she can feel my love for her. 

There's nothing else I can do but just remember and feel lucky. I've seen somewhere around 10 bald eagles and 3 shooting stars in the last 2 months... Every time I just remember how lucky I am to have my shooting star, watching me from Heaven with no pain or fear. But I sure do miss her.... And that's never going to go away. Like the hope when you look in the sky, waiting for a shooting star at night or a bald eagle in the sunset.