What not to say

I don't mean this in a way that I hate you or am even mad if you've ever said these to me, just a heads up that it sucks. And you're 100% not the only one to say any of it. In my one month of bereavement, I've got more to add to what not to say...

How are you? No. No one is okay after they're baby dies, and they don't want go tell you they aren't okay. "Good" everyone just says it, they don't mean it. It feels like a painful lie.

I know how you feel. Chances are you don't. I explained this one already.

What's wrong? Ummm.. My baby died. That's all. Nothing else is wrong. And I don't know how to answer the question so I'll just say that I'm sad, but what's wrong is that I'm breathing and my daughter isn't. 

I'm here for you if you need anything. Okay you can say it, it's still nice.. But I'm not going to ask you for something because I don't know what to ask for. If you can bring people back from the grave then definitely say this, otherwise just be there. Do stuff. Show up. Text me about me and not just you. There's nothing I can ask you for, but it's still going to be nice and make me feel a little better if you show up.. Feed me.. Pet my hair.. Watch a movie with me.. Give me a present if you feel compelled to.. Something. Not saying you have to help but if you really want to help someone grieving just do something. Because they're not gonna ask for anything. 

 I can't think of any more important things to add right now but I'm sure the next month of bereavement will bring more. For now, just understand there's nothing easy about understanding grieving the loss of someone, especially someone with no tangibles left behind or last breaths or memories made... There's no understanding losing a life that didn't get to start.