15 days.

It's been 15 days since I held my daughter. 16 days since I found out I wouldn't get to watch her grow up. 15 days ago I weighed 15 pounds more than I do today. A lot has changed in 15 days. It's gotten a lot colder, and snow has started showing up in the forecast. We've started planning a headstone for our daughter. We've made more decisions than we made in 7 months about moving and jobs and what we would and wouldn't keep the same.
Today marks day 1 of working on making up homework, and a step towards a new normal. A new normal with more change than we originally planned. We could stayed in our houses with our friends in our college town, I could keep my job and things could just keep going... But things aren't the same. So we'll move in with Devin's parents for next semester while we finish our degrees and heal our hearts and revise our future plans. I'll quit my job, because I was going to already, and I don't want to pretend nothing has changed. We'll find new jobs, figure out a new plan, a new normal.
Our new normal will include finding ways to include Sawyer in our every day life. We have new jewelry to wear every day, I got Dev a leather bracelet with Sawyer's initials and birthday engraved on the clasp and my aunt got me a ring with Sawyer's birthstone. We'll find comfort doing little things for her, like planning her headstone and decorating her grave. We'll hang pictures, and so will family members, of her precious face. Our new normal will include a focus on school and a new life plan, because so much revolved around our addition, and now she's with us no matter what but we aren't planning jobs around daycare or school around babysitters. We'll finish school and save money and in the mean time decide if we want to live on the coast this time next year, if we want to be married this time next year, if we want to be pregnant with Sawyer's sibling this time next year. The possibilities of our life have been picked up and thrown around like nothing we knew possible.
I watch a lot of soap operas, I've watched more One Tree Hill than can be healthy and love to hate every week of drama on Grey's Anatomy. I've always joked about how my life could be a soap opera, but the last 15 days have felt like I'm living in a TV, and I wish I was an actress and could step out of it. The things that happen on soap operas seem ridiculous, but I wouldn't be shocked at all if I found out I had a long lost twin or lost my leg in a plane crash next month. Normal doesn't seem constant anymore, and I don't know why we ever expect it to. 15 days ago I realized, a lot can change in just 1 day.