Her Place

The sun was shining like no November day I've ever seen, not a cloud in the sky. It had been a week and 2 days since I held my baby girl, Sawyer, and we were laying her to rest in her place. I know it's only her body, and that her spirit is with God, but it still felt equally sad and comforting... Sad to have this service in her honor and make her being gone real not only for us but all of our close family, we didn't want a crowd of people because it would be overwhelming.. and yet comforting knowing where she was laying and knowing that I'll always have a place to visit her, talk to her, bring her flowers.

We decided on yellow daisies, the flowers we would leave to lay over her plot, because it's a bright happy flower and reminds me of the sun. She deserves that, a happy flower. As much as you can be excited after losing your child, I feel happy when I think of doing things for her. And in a couple weeks my plan is to make a little Christmas tree, just for Sawyer. I'm excited about it.
She lays a few plots away from Devin's "Pa" and right behind his sister's best friend growing up, Brandon. I feel comfort knowing she's surrounded by people that would love her just as much as we do and can hold her for now, until we can again.
We went to her place for the first time since her service today, and it's such a small plot. It makes me glad, because I always feel so sad when plots sit with big piles of dirt over them for so long. She's got an angel solar light and a bundle of a few dozen yellow daisies over her. A small hard plastic square says "Loved and Cherished", her name, and the name of the funeral home. Tomorrow we'll go start planning her headstone, and again I'm awkwardly excited about it. I just like doing things for her. I keep trying to find projects to personalize in memory of her, and different ways to use her pictures. I just love her. And miss her. A lot. But I'm glad that now I have somewhere special for her to go visit, her place.