Breathing for you. 💕

I'm scared of ridiculous things. I have a horrible fear of spiders. Telling me scary movies or haunted houses aren't real doesn't help; haven't you seen the movies, the haunted house could be real! And I get anxiety over things like being confrontational. But I don't get test anxiety, I don't get scared driving in storms or of other people's driving (just really annoyed with slow driving), and basically my motto is whatever happens happens. The tattoo on my foot has a wave and says let it be. I would've gotten you can't stop the waves, so learn to surf but that's entirely too long. Pregnancy was the same way for me, one step at a time, don't worry too much.. Devin on the other hand worried if the cat walked on my stomach, and was worried before my 20 week ultrasound that she wouldn't have 2 legs and 2 arms. I found this all hilarious and adorable. 

The idea of labor was different though, I was terrified inside that it was going to be the worst thing possible. And it was not. And now I feel silly for worrying so much about it. I rode the waves and got through it. So I of course have went back to whatever happens, happens. And today I went back to work. 

I wasn't worried, I told myself after Thanksgiving I would go back, so I did. And I completely failed. I made it 2 hours before crying. I don't know if I wasn't busy enough so my mind was wandering or if it was just too much of a normal task, but I broke. And luckily I work with the most understanding people, but I just felt crazy. I didn't even have a reason to be crying I just couldn't stop. So 2.5 hours on the clock today, and maybe Wednesday it will be 3 hours. It's all just a lot harder than I want it to be. But our thank you cards are in the mail and arriving to people we love, and that's enough to put a smile on my face. 

So yes, Devin didn't go to class and I left work and we drove an hour back to his parents. One step at a time one of my friends said after telling her how bad my attempt at working went, and some days feel like one step at a time. Others feel like one day at a time. Today felt like one breath at a time. But I'm still breathing.